Good Old Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving is a time when I get extremely sentimental. This day of the year was always such an awesome day for us; nothing crazy out of the ordinary or exotic. It was always church, family, meal. HUGE meal. and my favorite kind of meal of all. My grandma made her wonderful casseroles, my brother came in town, my cousins were there, and inevitably there'd be football in the background, but that somehow was part of the whole experience, even the part where we start to argue about having the football on TV in the first place. There's something about the warmth of the kitchen, alive with energy, steam rising from pots, dishes clanging, people chattering, the sound of the women shunning the men from the kitchen and the words "stop pickin'" echoing as fingers attempt to find some tiny morsel of goodness from the table before getting popped away by an elder. In a way, Thanksgiving has always been more of a favorite day than even Christmas. (It's ok if you don't believe me) Of course the gifts are nice, but I sincerely enjoyed having my family in one room, even if we were all busy wandering from room to room, gossiping with each other, fighting over the remote control--I knew at some point, we would have half an hour where we were all together, sitting at the dining room table, enjoying a feast, as one.
             Well, times are different these days. We're without a few of our beloved elders, and have added some new beloved youth, and now we're starting our own traditions. Maybe this is when I'm supposed to start loving Christmas again. Yes. I believe it is.

            So, I used to write a Thanksgiving list every year when I was younger, and I dug up one of my old journals to see what I used to be thankful for. I shall share some with you...

This is from Thanksgiving (11/27) 1997
...for sunflower fields
...for nose kisses from Jasper
...newborns
...new life
...death
...for pain which causes revelation
...for love
...for God
...for a funny dad
...for a beautiful mom
...new experiences
...for courage to live my life as an individual
...for music and art
...for the ability to make my grandfather smile

From that list there were so many more things. I was a very thankful 20 year old.

This Thanksgiving, forget your differences, appreciate your family, let go of all your expectations and accept what you have as being everything you need.

This Thanksgiving I'm thinking of my homeless buddy who keeps his bed on the porch of a dilapidated house near where I park at work. May he stay warm, eat well and feel loved by someone today.

A fast burning candle still shines a lovely light.

     I was sleeping last night when Matt came in to tell me Christopher Hitchens had Cancer. I vaguely remember a feeling of brief shock before involuntarily sinking back into my slumber. I had forgotten completely until this morning, and I came to the computer looking for the interview online, with the understanding that Hitchens had already lost his hair.
    I've known people with Cancer. I've known some who have been through the horrible Chemical warfare inside their own bodies to attempt escape from it. The thought of it all is paralyzing. As Anderson Cooper's interview with Hitchens played, I couldn't keep the tears from falling. Although seeing the wispy remnants of fine hair left on his head played a significant role in my tearful shock and immediate emotional strife, I found myself thinking more of the man, the persona, the pure ball of intellectual fire that we may be losing from this planet potentially very soon.

From an article in which he
speaks of his recently waxed
testicles.

    For those who aren't familiar with him or his antics, I'll give you a brief summary of my personal view of him: ...let's see.... a drunk. an asshole. a man not too much into appearances. abrasive. crass. ....but brutally honest. and confident. a realist. well-read. dryly hilarious. sickeningly intelligent. and I would add brave, although that denotes that he has some bit of fear, however I don't believe he ever has had any of that. (More bio info, click here!)

Understanding all the character--uhh--distinctiveness (I wouldn't dare say flaws) he possesses, and embracing the absolutely admirable aspects of his character, I am feeling a good bit sad for him today. The last 6, 7, 8 years have been a sort of intellectual and spiritual journey for me. Hitchens, among others, was there when I needed someone to listen to and learn from who felt what I felt. He helped me gain a new vocabulary for things I had never had to put to words before. I appreciate (and at certain times am very envious of) how straight forward he is with people who battle and debate him. Nothing seems to rattle him.
    There are quite a few lessons to be learned from this "breaking news" of his growing Cancer: avoid alcoholism at all costs. quit smoking NOW. live life to the fullest (bleh, cliche, I know) and lastly, Even Atheists aren't immortal. Thinking of you today, Hitch.

My Favorite Top Ten Things: Take 2

Top Ten Favorite Things About Being Alice's Mom

10. I now have to keep my floors clean(er).

9. Waking up at 6:15 has never been a pleasure - until now.

8. She enjoys hearing me sing, something no one else has ever enjoyed. 

7. I compose awesome songs like the "Stinky Poo Poo" song, and the "Look at Baby Alice Lookin in the Mirror" song and of course the "You're Such a Roly Poly, Please Stop Moving so I can Change Your Diaper" song.

6. Seeing her gorgeous smile when I come into her room first thing in the mornings.

5. Trying to figure out what she's going to be when she grows up based on her ability to jump, eat her feet and scream.

4. Watching her learn something new every single day.

3. There's nothing cooler than seeing yourself and the love of your life combined into another beautiful human being.

2. I have never experienced love like this. And she reminds me why I should be a better person.

1. She's simply the best. I couldn't have asked for a better starter baby.  (Look out, #2!)

Ashley's Going Vegetarian????

Well, No. Actually. I doubt it very seriously. In my recent quest to reduce how much space I take up in this tiny world (or in other words, shrink my fat ass), I've decided to just stop eating a lot of things that I know can't be that good for me. Oddly enough, the worst foods in my repertoire aren't even meats. In fact, I hardly ever eat beef, and I've recently been kinda grossed out by pork anyway. In a hearty effort to save money, Matt and I have gotten used to eating very cheap and undernourishing meals. Man it sure is cheap to eat nasty, but delicious, unhealthy food. --let's say it all together-- thanks Wal-mart!!! (but no, thanks.)
            So lately I think my body has been telling me that the time has come. I've been craving and eating bags (yes, entire bags) of spinach. I'm becoming ok with not eating a huge meal every night for dinner. I'm wanting to keep almonds at my desk instead of peanut butter crackers to snack on at work. Could it be?? Ashley's starting to make healthy decisions?!?!
           Now, all of you non-vegetarians, or should I say ANTI-vegetarians, are wanting to ask--What does all this have to do with the wonderful world of meat? We are equipped with 6 molars in the back of our mouths to chew meat. Animals kill and eat other animals. It's all part of the food cycle. We were meant to have BBQs and eat Filet Mignon! All of those things were exactly what I would've said to myself, and still say to myself, really. I LOVE a delectable juicy medium rare Filet. I LOVE CHICKEN!!!

         But the sad fact is, I've recently begun to understand what terrible things are being done to these animals during their lives before they are being slaughtered. And it's not something I'm going to or even want to preach about. I've just decided to be one less person contributing to inhumane practices. 
         I went searching for some informative, yet not preachy, sites to add to this blog, and just got sick to my stomach doing the research. So, I'll just post a couple of articles that I found that pretty much sum it up. 


Animal Cruelty
WWF- Environmental Impacts of Beef Production
Possible Effects of Too Much Red Meat?

I'm the last person in this world who should be an outspoken advocate and/or activist for Vegetarianism. But I am beginning a journey that may take me there, who knows? (I highly doubt it.)

Top Ten Favorite Things -- Take 1

Top Ten Favorite Pieces of Advice from My    Dad --- a late Father's Day Tribute

10. Only ask someone how they're doing if you really care to know.

9. If you want to get something done, you have to do it yourself.

8. Know what you like to do and learn to be really good at it.

7. Don't make your hobby your career or you'll end up hating it.

6. Whatever you do, Don't become a DJ.

5. Careful not to burn bridges you may have to cross again later.

4. Curb Appeal is Everything.

3. If you keep your expectations low, you'll never be disappointed.

2. Don't Ask Questions you don't want to know the answers to.

1. There's nothing more important than family.




Happy Father's Day, Dad! All those times in high school when I rolled my eyes when you said these things, all along I was listening! You're a great dad and a wonderful grandaddy. I love you!

Efficiency => Punctuality.

My co-worker wrote a humorous blog recently about the fact that she is always late. Although I see her at work everyday, I guess I never realized she was "one of those" because she's usually pretty much very punctual getting to work. Her blog does inspire me a bit to put into words what I've always wanted to say to those people and never had the courage. And if you've read my previous blog entry, you'd know that when it comes to saying words out loud that are intended to be organized into complete thoughts and put into some sort of meaningful sequence, I'm absolutely the worst. Here's my opportunity to share my thoughts (in writing) on this very frustrating topic.
   Let me first say, there are some things I complain about that I am personally and admittedly guilty of doing. This, however, is not one of those things. If I know anything about anything, it's 2 things: kids and time management. 
    If you are one of those people, these are important points to keep in mind:
1. telling someone you are closer to your destination than you really are doesn't "trick" that person into thinking you are actually going to be on time. In fact, when you finally do arrive an hour late, the person has already figured out your lie and is twice as angry that you kept him waiting.
2. when you are procrastinating around the house before you leave for an appointment or a date, just take a second to think about what the other person(s) might be doing while you're watching the last 5 minutes of some reality drama and putting on 20 minutes worth of concealer and foundation. Nine times out of ten, keep in mind that person is probably feeling pretty unimportant and hearing every second on his watch tick by and thinking he could've spent this last hour doing something better than waiting for you.
3. No one is so incredibly awesome that blatant and consistent tardiness is excused. I think that only works if you're sleeping with the professor.
4. When you are the one who is always late, believe me, if no one's telling you how irritating it is, they're thinking it.

How to NOT be one of those people:
1. If you've been an adult for any length of time, you pretty much know how long it takes you to get ready to go somewhere. Take that time, add it to the amount of time it takes you to realistically get to your destination, and then subtract that total time from when you are expected to be somewhere. That's when you need to begin your routine.
2. Once you've decided you are on the move, keep going until you are out of the door. No pit stops.
3. Learn to be more realistic. Look at the clock and know how much time is left.
4. Always overestimate.
5. Don't sleep late! Get up early, have some coffee and relax for a while.
6. If you have kids: Get YOU ready first. Then start with the breakfast, packing the bags, etc.

So easy, a caveman could do it.  ;)
If I can keep my punctual reputation afloat even after having a baby, then I know it's possible for anyone else to give it a try. I'll read this again after baby number 2 and see if I'm not laughing hysterically at myself.

Can I Finish, Can I Finish?

Hollywood writers have such a great job. How wonderful it is to feel the freedom of creating a world where everyone listens to every cool thing their perfectly constructed and beautifully sculpted characters have to say. Heading out doors for a nice old fashioned fist-fight? Well, first let's have a chat about how we got into this predicament and analyse which of our personality flaws cause us to not get along, and don't forget to throw in a cool monologue about how your father left when you were a boy and you've been a loner ever since--before we kick each other's asses. 
   There's no such thing as a monologue (outside of drama TV) anymore. If you've got something to say, part of being an intelligent and productive member of society today is knowing exactly what you need to say, and you better say it in as few words as necessary. And if you can't quite get it out in time, well, your conversation partner is on to the next thing. And probably has finished your sentence for you. Have you ever had some impatient someone finish your sentence with something completely different than what you had planned, and then something else came along and changed the subject all together, therefore possibly giving the complete wrong impression? That stuff happens to me ALL the TIME. I haven't been blessed with any kind of talent for speaking, unfortunately. Ask my husband. I find that if I'm not making my point clearly fast enough, I start freaking out in my head a little, knowing I'm about to lose my captive audience any minute. 
   I should not have to feel this way, dammit. Let me finish my sentence. And let me take as much time as I need to make my point. Over the years, in trying to adapt to this new ADD-stricken society, I have pretty much forgotten how to finish my own sentences. Because no matter where I am, who I'm speaking to, I am always being interrupted. And the times when certain patient people are giving me time to speak, I get self-conscious and wonder why they are staring at me. Aren't you going to finish my sentence? Oh God, I'm actually going to have to think of something to finish this thought....words...I need words.... it's frightening. It's a struggle. Is it just me?
*Note to those of you who care: Even if you think you know what someone is about to say, take a second. Stop yourself. Take a breath. Let them finish. 
**And by the way, those of you who know me, yes, I know I do it too.
  

Prisoner of TV

How many of you walk straight to the television upon entering the house from work, and turn it on just as a form of having a little noise in the house? I know you do it. And I know some of you (you know who you are) who leave the TV on all the time, you know, so the pets don't get "lonely". Well, sadly enough, I do it too. I don't leave it on for the pets, though, just for the record.
    Lately I tend to notice things from a new perspective and now the world seems just slightly different. When I think of all the things Alice is taking in, the sights, the smells, the sounds, I think Holy Crap! I can't imagine all the new information she has to process. Sounds from her musical chairs, her jangly rattly toys, and the crazy energy filled television are echoing from all directions, stimulating every little nerve in her little tiny floppy ears. The colors on the TV screen, changing second by second, weird new faces talking at her, the silent but very present buzz of the frequency of media coming from all directions, how overwhelming....how....addicting!!! It's not until I turn the thing off, that I realize, this television has had me in shackles since I was a baby!!!! It's like a drug pusher saying, "aw, come on...one more segment won't hurt, everyone's doing it! Look at what's coming on next...don't you want to see how much weight this guy lost? You know you can't miss how OCD ruined her life! And just wait -- coming on next is yet another episode of Family Guy! This stuff is harmless! Have some more!" 
     So then, with the remote in my hand, still smokin', silence in the air, I have room to think. It's like the chains have gone, and I can move. I think about things that I could be doing that are more fun, more productive, and tons more educational for my child, like reading a book, cutting the grass, changing the light bulb in my closet that's been out for months, taking a walk, scrubbing the tub. It's almost like that damned power button on that little tool we call a remote control is the key to solving all of my problems. 
     It even crosses my mind sometimes to get rid of it all together. But then, my palms start to get a little sweaty, and I head back into the living room to turn the thing back on, because surely there's something I need to know going on in the News, right? Maybe if I watch how bad the oil spill is today, I feel less guilty about the fact that I'm not out there trying to do something about it. 
     Hello, my name is Ashley. And I'm a TV addict, working towards freedom, day by day. 

May 9, 2010 Mother's Day.

I've had the same morning routine for years. Wake up. Make coffee. Shower. Sit in my red room known as the office with hot mug in hand, "check" my Facebook and my Yahoo mail, and then, time permitted, play some mindless online game for 20 minutes before heading off to work. Some people have Yoga. Some go jogging. Some read the paper. This is what I do. And it's my time. My time.

     The past five months have been a blur, needless to say. However, with some arranging and finagling, I have managed to still honor this tradition on most days. This morning, I still had my time (without any game, however) but it was a little different. Alice awoke at 6am sharp. As did I. Made the coffee. Check. But this time, I had my hot mug in one hand and my beautiful baby in the other, and we sat on the blanket and read the literary masterpieces of Clip Clop and Splash! and then proceeded to play with Froggie, Lamb and Caterpillar for the next hour. Screams of delight and gummy smiles filled our little living room and it was a nice change of pace from my old daily ritual. For the first time I really felt Mother's Day.

     This is not to say that I never appreciated Mother's Day. Let me say that I have been preceded by quite a few phenomenal women in my life who really helped me understand what being a mother means. I have been so fortunate to have a fantastic mom who has been more than willing to give me what I've needed throughout the years to become what I am today. She has taught me how to be polite to strangers, how to set the table (correctly), how to balance my checkbook, how to dress myself (well, she tried, anyway), how to keep the peace, how to shave my armpits...she has been my confidant, my go-to person, my friend, my teacher, my math homework tutor, my discipliner, my financier, my soft place to fall. If ever I didn't understand the love my mom has for me, I do now. Naming all the things she has done does not even come close to describing how special she is, just being her. My mom.
     And I can't let this go without mentioning the love and appreciation I still have for my dear grandmother, Me-me. I miss her dearly as I know we all do. Without her, where would any of us be, anyway. This is a tribute to my Mom, Me-me, Ma-Mick and all the mother figures in my life, I have so much love for you all!






H A P P Y    M O T H E R 'S    DAY  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I want to be when I grow up:

Do you remember the good old classic movie Funny Farm? With Chevy Chase? God, I love that movie. Mostly because Chevy Chase is my hero, but also because in the film, he is trying to write a novel. Was it a children's book? I can't remember. But his wife in the movie actually does write a children's book, and I thought that was the coolest profession in the world! Still do, actually. My choice of professions through the years have all seemed to have something to do with either art or children. Now, I am spending my days working with books and art and children at the Richland County Public Library's Children's Room, and reading gajillions of children's books to Alice, and I'm thinking....I can do this. I really can.

       Over the past year working in the Library field, I have met three very brilliant and distinctive and accomplished childrens writers; Lowis Lowry, Jack Gantos and Jane Yolen. They all had me spellbound with each of their speeches, discussing their eventful pasts, comical or not so much. What gets me worried is that I haven't enough crazy experiences to write an award winning book. My childhood was well...well... it was normal. Didn't travel much. Didn't break any bones (well, there was the one time...), didn't have any traumatic experiences, unless you count gettin' popped on the butt every now and then. I guess it helps to know that Jack Gantos actually had to go out and buy a cat for inspiration for his award winning Rotten Ralph series. Well, surely Alice, my two cats and Charlie will be enough fodder for the first book, anyway. Or maybe I need to take a vacation-for-one to a remote area in the desert and become "one" with myself. I'd come back with an interesting story then, I bet.
      Perhaps I need to move to the countryside into a house with a window in the attic and a typewriter, like Chevy Chase did. Yeah, that seems more my speed. What do you think about that, Matt?
      Well one day. One day. Yep, One day.....

Baby Alice

Of course the first official blog would be about the birth of my beautiful, perfect little girl Alice. What would you expect. I'm not at all worried that someone might have a problem with the potential gross factor of this picture. I think it's one of the most beautiful pictures my husband has ever taken.

She came out screaming! And so much so that all of the doctors and nurses in the room were laughing at how loud she was. I was shakin' like a leaf and smilin' all the way (as far as I remember). It's funny, before you give birth, you always hear that that moment is the greatest moment of your life. Well, I guess in some way, it was in the top two or three, but I have to say that I was so doped up, that my emotions were a little screwy. I felt a bit numb, and the experience was so --- rushed and surreal, I guess I didn't realize what was happening was actually happening to me. By the way, the other two best moments of my life: the first time they wheeled her in my room, 6 hours later, and the first time I was alone with her and my husband the day we came home.

And now, here we are, almost five months later, blue eyed and blond, and she's growing two teeth already, rolling over on her own, and making two very happy people (and more) smile everyday. Looking at her now, sleeping next to me as I write (yes, she fell asleep while sitting in my lap), I wonder how in the hell I (with Matt's help) created something so gorgeous and perfect as this. She is my single best accomplishment in life thus far. And I love her.

Realizing that I actually created this thing two years ago....

....I got pretty excited that I now have something of interest to write about. Of course, Alice is here, and thriving, but I'd like to use this as a medium to talk about all kinds of things, so if you are trying to decide whether or not to follow this blog, just know that I'll try to keep it light and entertaining. If you are closely related to me, then you may have reason to check in every once in a while. I could be writing about you. I must reserve the right, however, to completely forget about this blog as I did before, and not post anything new until 2 years later when I remember about it again. That is totally not unlike me. So, to conclude this first blog post, read your heart out, and feel free to criticize, praise or comment as much as you feel necessary. I'd love it! Cheers to all!